Very emotional today


#1

Hi,

I read the article in the Age newspaper today and have been feeling extremely emotional since. I didn’t realise there were so many women in similar circumstances to me. Everything written felt like it was taken from my story. The shame even though we haven’t done anything wrong, the rejection/glossing over by our ex’s families… I could go on.
I was told by my former partner that he looked at child abuse material online because I wasn’t “fulfilling his needs” and he used my PND after the birth of our first child as an excuse. Even said so in his police interview. Never mind the fact he said in court that he had these “preferences” since he was 18 and he was then 35. Our daughter was 3 when he was arrested so I’m not too sure how he figures out his reasons for the missing years in that equation.
But what I’ve felt really let down about is the reactions of others. Child protection say he isnt a risk because it was only images, he only got a community corrections order and no fine or jail time. His family have completely put it in a little box on the shelf and are trying to ignore it and move on with their lives. And because of mandatory lengths of time on the sex register, our daughter will be 12 when he comes off it, just when his preferential age is.
And I’m made out to be the hysterical and over anxious one when I discuss this with others.
I’m very glad to have stumbled across this group. It feels so nice to find others who understand how awful this journey is, and I’m so sorry that others have been through the same rubbish I have and am continuing to go through.
Stay strong ladies, we are in the right and eventually everyone will come to see that. Even if they never acknowledge it.


#2

I’m sorry that today is a hard day.

There are lots of us out there and we’ve been working with media so that people like you do know that you’re not the only one.

In our research all but one man blamed his partner for his offending! I hope that one thing you get out of Leah’s story and from this forum is to realise that him blaming you is part of his abuse and him not taking responsibility. You never have done anything wrong; no matter what says and no matter how others try to stigmatise you.

Where Sydney Morning Herald have posted the article on their Facebook page, today, there has been overwhelming support for Leah and other partners. I found the general community’s empathy and their outrage that innocent partners are stigmatised and isolated really heartening.

I hope this is just the beginning of raising awareness and sticking up for all of us who have gone through this.

Take care.
Natalie


#3

It’s all one day at a time, some better than others. I also am thankful for the forum - keeping in touch with those who understand and appreciate all the ups and downs is just so heartening.

I don’t feel so alone anymore.
With thoughts of you for a better day tomorrow, Natasha