I’m not a partner but I’m supporting my dear friend who has been thrust into this ugly world of CEM.
I initially found it hard to find resources to support her online - which to me is an abomination because for every report we read in the media there is an entire family affected by their actions.
I would also like to recognise that just like with domestic violence, there are same-sex partners affected by this issue.
What if you’ve left your partner because of these charges? What if you’re hiding from them to protect your family, who was the victim. What if they happen upon you, and threaten you and your family?
I’ve got no idea how to support my friend through this.
This ugliness gets uglier, sadly. I don’t know what hat to do. You please help me!
Hello DNR, what a good friend you are, thank you for the support you are contributing to your friend. I can understand how helpless you must be feeling in your situation, and how traumatized your friend must be right now.
What I’m not sure of is whether the offending party has been arrested, or are they just under investigation to be in a position to threaten your friend.
Perhaps you could have your friend talk to us. Is she receiving counselling? Does her child need attention right now?
Would you please provide some answers and we most certainly will provide you with support and information.
Talk with you tomorrow. Regards Natasha
Welcome and thank you for reaching out on behalf of your friend. For some many of us here what made the horror of realising the offending even worse has been how those around us have responded so please know even though you feel like that you don’t know where to turn or what you are doing that simply being there for your friend and supporting them is already a huge contribution.
Yes, I, too would like to acknowledge that this experience affects people in all relationships including same sex and that possibly there is more stigma and more barriers to accessing support for partners of online child sex offenders in same sex relationships.
Many of us here have left our ex-partners due to this crime. I think what is often unrecognised in the turmoil and aftermath of detection of the offence is that all the usual trauma of a significant relationship break up still needs to be processed in addition to the devastating reason for the relationship ending.
There are several parts to your post and questions which I will endeavour to respond to but PLEASE do come back for clarity or further information.
If your friend is being threatened by their ex, then domestic violence and police services will be the best agencies to engage with.
If your friend’s child has been a victim within the child exploitation material, the child and their non-offending parent will be able to access child sexual assault services (which are called different things in each state but if you are comfortable mentioning their state we should be able to steer you in the right direction). Alternatively, the hotline phone number that Natasha provided is a good starting point.
Please know that this is a safe space for ALL partners of online child sex offenders of ALL genders. The community that posts and replies here is currently mostly women but we are definitely not here just for women.
Also, as a friend supporting an affected partner I invite you to also feel welcome to post and debrief here. If you want to start a '"What helped you? or What did you need from your friends?" thread or anything at all you are very very welcome. While you look out for your friend, remember to look out for yourself and how you are processing this too. It is devastating to be alerted to this abuse taking place in our inner community and it is only natural for you to also be feeling distressed and overwhelmed.
Thanks again for your post. I am sure others reading are heartened to see you reaching out on behalf of your friend.