If you’re reading this, you’ve probably been through something that can best be described as hell and you’ve survived, or maybe you’re going through it now, and you’re surviving, only just.
In each of our journeys we’ve all learnt a lot of things along the way. What wisdom or life lessons could you share with others? Things you wish you had known earlier? Services you tapped into? Books you found helpful? Managing and dealing with your emotions? Whether or not to tell family and friends? How to tell family and friends? How to cope with loosing friends, family? How to support and help those friends and family who stayed and supported you? Advice you received or gave to yourself? How you cope with body image? New relationships?
Let us fill the posts of this thread with meaningful and helpful words of wisdom.
“it’s not your fault”. I’m sure you’ve heard it, I heard it, many times over. Usually the phrase “it’s not your fault” was followed by the phrase, or my response of “easier said than done”. I did eventually achieve the belief and knowledge that ‘it wasn’t my fault’. I did this by actively and consciously changing some of the words in my telling of my story to others, and in my self talk.
After everything came out there was soo much hindsight. If only I’d noticed he likes to go shopping at around the time the school kids are coming out of school. His views and opinions about sex offenders, ‘back in caveman times, people did have sex with young women, it was normal then. Those who are desiring sex with children are normal’. He treated me like a princess and slowly he made himself my whole world. The way in which he treated me was soo perfect, that this one opinion of his sounded right to me at that time.
With all of this hindsight and second guessing of myself, I felt soo much guilt, and my sense of self worth was very very low. I felt guilty that I had had children to this man. I felt guilty that my children would grow up without a father. I felt that I was a worthless failure of a human being, because I didn’t know that I had fallen into his trap. I felt like an idiot.
By changing the way in which I expressed myself about myself and my story, using the word ‘shame’ instead of ‘guilt’. With that conscious decision and actively using the word “shame”, instead of “guilty”, a massive burden was lifted. Life became a lot easier to live. I started to become someone I could like again.
Shame instead of guilt, is not the ultimate answer to where ours or your emotions need to move to. It was the first step I needed to take to stop feeling like it was all my fault.
What wisdom can you share about how you coped with life in the aftermath of finding your partner has been accessing child exploitation material?